embargaining.....

as promised i will be blogging about 'feelings' not 'the amazing funnies that were last night....' ok well i might have to mention things but i swear it willbe what is just coming out it is not intentional. im trying to please the grandparents. i need to secure that inheritance;) yeah ryan- i will be getting SOME of it! haha all your efforts are wasted.....

ok so today i am going to discuss the enigma that is people- seriously. i will never understand them. there is a serious range of random and weird people here- when you visit you dont really see it because i think they hide out in places that are not to be found on poppies or pantai kuta. although those people continue to confuse me as well. i love people, dont get me wrong. in fact my desire to be around new and different people is one of the driving factors for why i am here- what i remember most about that time i was in bali - summer after graduating high school-is that i was totally enthralled by the amount of people there were to meet and i- being trusting and a little tooo much sometimes, i love talking to people. i like to make connections and as those who know me best will confirm i have a habit of connecting to those who are very far away from me. but what can i say- its not about where you live its about what is shared between two people and that can exist on so many different levels. there are people you meet who you know will have an impact on your life- its weird how you can physically feel the difference- knowing that someone is going to continue to be part of your life and knowing that someone is going to have no real impact are very clear and decise feelings.

i like both- i love to have a night talking to someone random, feeling a connection that you know will only last for the duration of the conversation. when you run out of things to say ( or the jungle juice runs dry;) you know that is it. but you are ok and you move on because that person contributed what they were supposed to and that is enough. but other people you cannot seem to let go, no matter how resistant life may be to allowing the connection to continue.

(insert- diet coke is saving my life right now....i know it is also simultaneously rotting away my precious teeth, but still, i could care less at the moment;)

so as for people, like i was saying, as much as you may feel you can discern just through intuition and perception, they are the most confusing bunch. i swear i will never get it. i am throwing in the towel and surrendering- i will forever be confused by people and their actions. not writing myself out of the equation- i realize i most likely can be very confsuing myself- but at least I always understand my intentions:)as for others, perhaps i will lower my expectations and stop making assumptions. i swear i am trying to be as open minded and accepting as possible but isnt it ok to know what you want and what you like and to be discerning about who you let in? i know that judging people is bad, but i have also learned from a very dear friend, that sometimes letting any and everyone in can blow up in your face. seriously certain friend- i will never fall victim to your ways.....SS for life though;)