ok enough of that crap- i have been slack about this blog lately, well because not much exciting stuff was happenening-well let me rephrase...not that it wasnt exciting stuff, but this blog was about my move to bali and currently im not there and therefore i dont find much else relevant. and the stuff that has been happening well just hasnt been so blogworthy! a short update of what i have been doing/ where i have been:
spent christmas in singapore with the fam, fun times but nothing 'newsworthy' it was actually one of the most 'tame'holiday seasons i can remember! only a couple nights out, while fun, were pretty much drama free ( well from my perspective anyways!)
went to melbourne to visit a friend for new years- really good time- at this point think it was well worth it but i suppose only time will tell!
back to singapore for a few days- pretty much agony in my own mind- that was the few days that things kinda fell apart for me and i had no friends around and it sucked pretty bad.
went to los angeles- excited only at the prospect of seeing the few good friends i left behind. the rest was a mix of anguish and anxiety and sure enough, those few days were incredibly taxing emotionally and i think did further damage to my head. had a few really fun nights out with the girls though- really do mis my bill and bob and balls!
now in whistler, canada learning to ski with the fam! so far been a good time- i personally had a rough few days trying to learn but now im feeling better about it. im really enjoiying it now and am think whistler probably has the highest concentration of hot guys in the world. no joke. hhaha but the best part is when you eat it off the chair lift in front of them.. yeah that was me. ally and i donwloaded ( for those non skiiers it means you pussied out of going down the entire mountain and got on the lift to ride down - note- not only like 3 year olds do that here!!) however, as i valued my life and really didnt think i would have one to value if i attempted the descent, we sucked it up and rode the last bit down. so then as we are trying to get off, ally panics about where she is supposed to skii off to, as there is not a ramp down like the other lifts when you go up. so as we get up she nudges her skii into mine, trying to move out of the chairs way and my skiis cross and to avoid getting my ass draggged under the chair i throw my body to the side and am splayed out on the snow with my skiis crossed and the chair moving over me. good sister that she is she is standing over me hysterically laughing as i do a side army crawl up the side of the snow bank trying to save myself, all the while laughing and yelling that she sacrificed me for her own good. .yeah this is in front of people....so then i have to drage myself up to flat ground so i can stand up and shamefully move to the next chair to continue going down . so embarassing but not really i guess considering more embarassing would be cartwheeling down the side of the mountain in my ill fitting rental ski gear!!
so...whistler is a good time but i have been away from my 'own life' for far too long- i am starting to get fidgety and restless and my mind is taking advantage of my weakness. im trying to get excited about going back to b ali- no- scratch that, i am excited, but im nervous about things and how they are going to go this time. and ive lost some of the initial strength that i felt when i first left everything behind and ive lost sight i guess of what it was i was looking for. going back to LA was probably pre mature in the sense that i dont think i was ready to deal with some of that stuff and i think maybe i have led myself down another slippery slope when it comes to guys and the situations i fix myself in. why is it so impossible for me to find someone who is in the same place as me? its like a form of masichism this inability i have. hey if i was 21 i suppose i wouldnt care but im heading over the 25 hill, and into the depth of the pre thirties, which lets face it, are the darkest hours before you hit fourty! and while the last few months i have had a great time being single again and remembering how much there is out in the world, im tired of it in a way. and annoyed that i am tired of it ;)
ill put up some whistler pics so that those of you whose eyes are burning from having made it this far will b e rewarded with something other then txt:)
2 comments:
I used to get this terrible anxiety when I was approaching the top of the lift; I always just wanted to ride it back down so I didn't look like a doof if I feel getting off.
This is one of many reasons I no longer ski. Hope you're having fun!!
The pics make me miss Whistler! And even though I had already heard it, I laughed again at the story of you falling while downloading. As for the feelings, I think that you're one step ahead in that you are able to identify your issues ,etc. Remember that it's all a process and that you really do have people all around you (near and far) who support and love you! xo
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