lots of time in the day = lots of reflecting:)

The last few days I have realized something- no matter where you go or what you do there are certain things that will follow you. Pain and hurt will manifest in new ways, as soon as the old wounds heal. Stress and anxiety find their way into your life in new avenues, just as quickly as you learned to deal with the others. People you thought you could trust can betray you and those you thought would always be there go away. But in realizing all this ( which sounds so morbid and distressing!) I also realized that how you choose to deal with the things in your life is what is important. I may have left behind things that were eating away at me and problems that seemed insurmountable, but in doing so have accrued new struggles and new conflicts. But that is okay I think. I think the best lesson I can learn in all of this is that the way you let these things affect you is the most difficult thing to master. Its easier to let the things pile on top of you and feel their crushing weight laboring on your everyday life. But what is harder is taking them on, accepting them and working them out. Letting things slide, as they sayJ Not something I am accustomed to doing!!

On the bright side, while those you lose along the way slowly have lesser and lesser of an impact on your life, new people step out into the forefront and can hold you up when you lease expect it. The effect one person can have on your life is staggering, but its something that must come with care. Its just as important to learn that being the most important person in your own life and being your own most trusted ally can be the most rewarding. I feel like this is one of the most important things I want to learn with this time I am spending here. The life I left behind came with a lot of judging and self conciousness. I want to learn to leave ehind the things that drag me down – the doubt, the crushing insecurities and the mounting distrust for my own self. I rely too much on other people to help bring me up and that becomes dangerous….i guess being alone really can make you strongerJ