motorcylce diaries....

i havent slept much the last few days ( not from partying or lack of trying i just dont know what is wrong with me i lay awake literally for hours tossing and turning and it sucks!) so im grumpy today and feel like if i write anything i might spill too much or sound way too depressing for someone who lives in bali:) so i will just dsiplay the pics of my first motorcylce related injury....i call this one half moons....i blame the bottle of absolute pear, but in its defense, i didnt even know this happened until the next day:) idiot. just so you know, i didnt fall -- this burn is from leaning my leg up against a burning hot exhaust pipe. yeah looks like i really let that one singe!!!!

:(

by the way its really sad that my blog only has one follower and its a guy dressed as a big penis......

i took pics...two- and they suck. so MAAF! (sorry in bahasa)

yeah i took one pic of me and mel where she is burrying her head into my hair and its pretty creepsauce so negative on that one and then one of this giant ass snake that we saw at some beach carnival...it was just like lying there and peeople were going right up to it and i was almost wetting myself!! maybe i will put that pic up...dont have the camera today though~

hmm what happened this weekend?? friday night we thought we were like high rollers or something and decided that we should get a table and a bottle at skygarden ( we were with some richer peeps and they paid for it..heehe) so a bottle of absolute pear was purchased for 75 us dollars- there was not a sober face left at the end of that night...i received approval from jon to include this in my blog HE MET A GIRL! a cute indo girl - GO TEAM!:) that is all i will say about that..oh and that there is nothing romantic about taking a girl home and then asking her to wait while you drag your mattress down into the room fondly known as the bat cave.....yeah.

that night was madness but so much fun:) we hurt pretty bad saturday but manage to go out for a bit- meg we finally checked out Hu Bar- it is pretty swank-box but definately an older crowd...not like the kuta muck. i like the kuta muck:)

all in all a fun weekend now monday back to work- rie rie you are not behind i think mayvbe i didnt write about the job i got- mels company hired me to put together their newsletter for them and paid me for that. i will be putting together their monthly newsletter ( seeing as they seem to like this one a lot:) YAY! possibly may turn into other things that they neeed and it will be on a freelance kinda basis. mels GM just told me that he has another job for me that is not related to this company but is a friends company so that is cool! somewhere along those lines i started making money as a writeR?!? who woulda thought? i gotta thank my melly mel for being so aweseome and recomendding me:)for a 'writer' i sure cannot spell or type real good.....;)

some updates.....and i swear i will take some pictures this weekend so its not just text:)`

1. our final turtle has disappeared.....we have spotted this mangy cat hanging around , new to the neighborhood according to mel! so we think maybe this kitty is the culprit! it could also be the same one that is in heat, like every night around 8 o clock. i dont know if you have ever heard the sound a cat makes when it is in heat but it is a cross between a baby being killed and a whining dog....or maybe not....buts its horrible!!!

2. im back on coffee...i dont know if it is official exactly just yet- but the other day i totally cracked and after not having a single coffee beverage of any kind in almost two years, i had the most tasty frozen coffee drink EVER at this place by our house. i blamed melissa. i thought it would be a one time thing- an indiscretion that would stay between me, mel and the tasty deliciousness coffee. however, today i am at the sushi place using their wireless to do some 'work' yes, i have actual work to do now:) and i ordered ice coffee...oh crap.........looks like this may not be a one time affair!!!

3. jons friends from canada are really nice and we went to the beach with them today- it was fun watching other people get totally caned by waves and not have it be myself or meg for once:)

3. last night we came back to our house and there was no power- actually there was no power on like the whole block!!! absolute pitch darkness....well you guys know how i feel about that so naturally i say outside the house on my bike, with the lights on waiting for mel to get home a few minute sbehind me and she was like yeahhhhh no power. so we went looking for a wirelss place with lights ( i almost took melissa and my lives on the bike...mel forgot her helmet so she rode with me which made me sooo nervous and we were giggly and delirious and there were no lights and well- on the way home i told her i couldnt drive with her on the bike and she got on anyways, we got down the ramp from the cafe and i was laughing maniaclly and she was about the throw up from laughter. so she got off and walked up until she found job ( who was able to drive her home on his bike while eating an ice cream cone...) yeah im just not that skilled!!! as we were in circle k looking for candles and mosquito coils the lights came back on! yay! good thing cus i was NOT looking forward to makeshift house with no power!! when jon found us at the cafe he didnt have his backpack that he had had at dinner. i was like oh where is his bag? and mel says he probbaly left it at home... and i said ( as she describes) incredulously.... IN THE DARK?? and she looked at me and said kaelen not everyone is scared of the dark... seriously i think i forget that not everyone wants to panic and collapse in the pitch black....it wouldnt have been pretty!!

4. tomorrow is friday again ( really???) mel has some friends from thailand in town so that should be fun. today on the beach jon and i tried to revise our typical going out route so that it would be more conducive to cheap drinking and less conducive to what jon coined as "dance floor rape" ( yes, lydia, it is very similar to 'ocean rape' which i also told jon about. its creepy cus i kinda think he likes it!!if you have ever been in any sort of club or bar where it seems that being on the dancefloor = a free for all of grabby hands and men "leading with their pelvis" as jon calls it!! next time we go to paddys i suggested he try leading with pelvis and seeing where it takes him....haha!

Blogging about last night would be pretty much a repeat....

Kuta happened again last night... Jon had a friend in town with two of her friends so we decided to o out with them down thre ( and jon and i decided at like 10 am that loads of arak was the only way to deal with our problems!)

the night went pretty much like it did the other one... skygarden ( only this time they had a deal on margies AND we discovered that they sell big bintangs for 35 thou...that is the best deal!) then we went to espressso bar...that place is sick nasty full of like 18 year old surferes who havent showered in weeks trying to mosh and sing karaoke!

and then of course paddy's happened and jungle juice happened. while dancing amidst the shirtless plethora of drunk australians i made friends with to kiwis and a french girl ( who must have tried to kiss me like five times-- yes-- tried to kiss me!!) haha but they were fun and when jon boned out i stayed out with them and went to bounty ( that part is a little hazy really- was i in a cage??) jk jk then ack to skygarden for more dancy dancy...i slept alllll day today:) hence nothing more interesting to update:)

french target in bali = carrefour

Today Jon was helping do what guru pitka says is the best way to get what you want (or something??) DISTRACTION! So we went on a mission to Carrefour- the target of Bali!
So Carrefour is in this giant westernized mall, that makes you feel like you are right back in Singapore, even down to the little stores with the competing hard core techno blasting out- with ten employees standing around the empty store looking bored out of their minds! Several other things to note about Carrefour:

1. the whole thing smells like an unchanged litter box. No seriously- its massive, like a warehouse full of anything you could ever want but as you browse through racks of cassette types, the likes of Craig David circa the year 2000, you cannot seem to escape the pungent smell of urine/litter box either or really! Jon was so nunplussed about it when I commented on the smell- he was like “yeah like a littler box eh?”haha
2. Several of the eight million employees have benn entrusted the honor of wearing rollerblades. Yes. Rollerblades- so they can more speedily attend to your requests ( speedily has to then account for island time so it pretty much factors into the same omount of time it would take for someone to help you who was NOT wearing rollerblades!)
3. When you check out, if they ring in something you don’t want ( like today when jon vetoed a bag of coffee that costs the equivalent of 2 us dollars) they grab this big wooden stick with flags all over it and wave it furiously until someone in a suit comes to help them VOID. It’s a big process- my advice- just buy it. Its two dollars or a massive display and time consuming affair to not pay the 2 dollars…
4. there is a KFC and an A and W in this mall – these things excite jon very much – we went to the a and w to sample some “ all American food” as is their slogan. All American apparently includes the idil fitri packet- fried chicken wing, ball of rice and a root beer! And to be even further from the American dream, if you don’t want ‘chicken strips’ (‘all white meat’)you can in fact order “chicken chunks” (who knows what meat)

all in all Carrefour is the cheapest place to buy stuff – even though if you want to buy a towel they weigh it and sell it to you per 100grams!!  the best part was they had a bookstore and I got to buy yet another jodi piccoult book! I think I have officially put one of her kids through college ( well at least through some fancy pre-school!!)

So we decided ( well I think jon decided) that the best bang for our buck is tequila…yes. Tequila. So the night takes an interesting turn…..after the show at ocean beach and fueled by a little tequila we went over to legian and decided that the craziness of kuta was exactly what we needed~ skygarden first….the best ( and most integral part of the story's ending) on the stairs of skygarden ( emblazoned by several tequila shots ) we walk past this guy who kinda looks at us like as if he might know us, and mel goes 'hey its ethan!" ( this guy we know from college who lives here too) and so I turn around and im like "HEY WHATS UP!" and he looks at me and is kinda like. Err.r….. secods later I realize, not only is it NOT ethan, but a guy who looks NOTHING like ethan!!! So I just say oh sorry and walk off and he is like umm what was that?? So then we take more tequila shots…..



Now we are all kinds of riled up and from here on out im not quite sure where- oh wait – yes I am! We went to paddys ( jon was gone byt this point and it was drunk mel and k) so mel is like I have no money left but we should buy jungle juice ( typical!!! ) hahah but im like YES sounds good. We buy one and literally down it in like 5.5 seconds! So then mels friend Melanie is outside so we go out to see her and I see that guy from the stairs! So im like hey stair guy! And he was like um what the hell was that – blah long story we befirened like the only aussie who doesn't own a bintang tank top and proceeded to barhop all up and down that street….we were like stupid 18 year olds againJ



Next morning=rough. I passed out in my dress on the daybed …jon got up early and was trying to do work and apparently I was flashing him my butt the whole time. But I was like ugh I don't care!!! Ooops:) oh well, it's the 'just friends house' so its ok:)


so nursing our hangovers, we went to Ku De Ta and splurged on 9 dollar cheeseburgers (sooo worth it) and lounged around there all afternoon before flopping on the beach and watching the sunset. it was incredible ( hence the crap ton of pics im going to post!) we had sushi for dinner and had a pretty early night - oh yeah started to watch Walk Hard...pretty funny in fact!

today: mel and i spent the whole morning looking for houses- we screwed ourselves by seeing this amazing villa that was utterly perfect ( except its price tag) so yeah everything else we saw was just horrific in comparison. not just cus of that, but some of the houses are just designed so strangely...like no sinks in the bathrooms and tubs that are like six feet deep and showers that you have to hold over your self as you disappear into the depths of the tub! so, mel's "lust for luxury" clouded our judgment enough to go home and try to work out how it might be possibLe! i was supposed ot meet this guy after to see another house so i was like lets see what happens....yeah he took me to two houses that we had alrady seen!! so idk what we are going to decide...that place was sooo nice!

Just another day ( or weekend) in paradise:

Hmm where to start!? Friday night we headed out into Kuta to go to Ocean Beach- big club on pantai kuta. Mels friend jay is a fire twirler in the show and it was amazing! They had dance routines, feathers, fire, saws with sparks, I mean everything!! It was so elaborate and the drinks were, well expensive for our tastes…we saw this sign on the bar…. Apparently bali is experiencing an alchohol shortage of some kind so there are these 'gaurenteees' on the bar tops assure you that you are going to be getting "real not synthetic alcohol." Im assured…..

sometimes i dont know what to write so i'll just blab...

it is sooooooo panas here today! HOT AS %$#$&*#! even at the beach its just like , ok ten minutes then you are sweat drenched again! its nice though- i absolutely love being able to go to the beach every day! and today i headed down by myself took my book and my pod and sweated out every toxin i think!! mel and i had a fun night last night- we literally sat in this restuarant that had wireless and went through all our facebook friends digging up long lost 'fo! several times we realized the irony that we were living in bali and spening a whole night scouring facebook- but it was kinda nocstalgic for us, and it was really the first 'alone time' we have had together and it was really good. i am reminded why i love mel so much:)

trying to work out our house situation- some things have changed and now we have to divert the original plans a little, but i think it might all work out for the best- we hope! so now we are you looking for a two bedroom place .... saw some ok and some not so ok places yesterday, of course the nice ones are out of the budget! ( and yes, tim, we considered the wise advice of the guy who you bought shoes from in singapore " i have the solution....UP YOUR BUDGET!") but unfortunately at this point i just dont think that is possible....however! i do have a job interview this afternoon so maybe i will be making a teeny weeny bit of money while our here:) its an entertainment planning/talent management type place literally 2 min from my house....we will see! it would be good to have something to do that is easy and bringing in a little money!

i think tonight we are going out to kuta- ocean beach....they have all these places on pantain kuta ( the stree that runs along the beach) now that are huge and swankified! mels friends are fire twirlers there and they do these crazy shows with acrobatics and clowns or something...should be interesting:) ill take the camera this time!

gecko poop

i woke up with two seperate deposits of gecko poop in my bed this morning....good luck or bad?

kaelen will never learn....

ah when it comes to the masterful art of massage i am still learning the, uh etiquette...mainly re: the fact that i am paying for it therefore should be able to request any changes that might actually make it more comfortable and relaxing, no? for all those who dont remember the body works incident circa 2001, the short of the long is that lydia and i ended up naked in a bath together...so much for relaxing!! we shoulda asked for seperate rooms then, and yesterday at our neighborhood PLEO, i shoulda asked for a new masseuse......


PLEO is right across the street from our house and its five US dollars for a full body massage. jon and mel go there all the time, and while its cheap and clean, the people that work there are as slow as cement ( sorry, but its kinda funny how they really have no CLUE what is going on) example A. mel and i go in for foot massages and there are like five of them that stand there and stare at us for a few minutes before ushering us upstairs to the beds. we stood awkwardly waiting for about ten minutes while they moved around a pillow...no joke. one would put the pillow on one bed, and then another would come and move it to another bed. then they would talk about it. then they would move it to the other end of the bed. then they would talk about it. so this went on for a while ( mind you, there are only two beds even available, but they managed to musical-chair that pillow for a good ten minutes.

so at this point there are three girls and one guy standing around us and they appear to be deciding who is going "to do" who. so of course i get the guy. literally this guy looked like someone had called in sick so they grabbed him off the street to 'stand in' because he had, well, hands! so they point at me and as mel later described, his face got all goofy and pervy looking...yeah. so i kinda notice and im like, er, is that guy going to rub my legs for an hour???? sure enough he follows me into the room and im like oh crap. but you know, he is a professional, no? NO he most certainly was not. he basically just watched what melissas woman was doing and copied her. but with too much oil and no pressure. it wias like a make shift rub down if i ever had one!!! so for an hour im like, uh, he is just grinning at me the whole time and im trying to relzx here....

so an hour later mel and i are paying and he starts asking me questsion- with the same weirdo look on his face- like a half grin with cross eyes! mel is oddly quiet and we finally get the hell out and as soon as we walk out the door i say " damn that guy was creepsauce" and mel bursts out laughing and almost pee's herself! she said from the second she saw his face when they 'assigned' him to me that she couldnt control herself. she said she couldnt look at him or me the whole time because she was was dying. so i didnt imagine it. i pait to have an oily rubdown by a very eager balinese stranger! we laughed about it all day - mel said she still couldnt beliee that i didnt do something about it but what was i supposed to do after it took the 25 minutes to figure it out if i had thrown another wrench in there it woulda been impossible! i really wish i had a picture of him.. massage in bali- 5 dollars. extra half hour- 3 dollars. creepy man making googly eyes at you as he massages? priceless....

megatim's last night.....

puj and tim are leaving today ( so sad ) so last night we bought a bottle af arak, some lemon juice and some limes and mixologist master meg made some awesome cocktails! fueled by the rice wine buzz, team G unit proceeded to whop tim and jon in an epic-sized game of five hundred!! as our five dwindles to three, five hundred becomes obsolete, so we had to get in some good playing time!! ( then they beat us twice.....haha) the game got ugly though- tim created a term during the battle- WOMANipulative.....damn him! haha try and say it though- kinda hard!! after talking about food for like four hours ( and finishing a bottle of arak) tim and meg went for a snack and mel and jon and i went down to the beach to meet up with some of her friends to play with fire! they were insane- fire sticks, swords, poi- throwing and catching, fighting! it was pretty cool! i even tried my first twirling with actual fire! good news- no burns:) i like the sound it makes as it wooshes past your ears- but i was concentrating so hard on not lighting my fro on fire that i dont even know what i was doing! the best part of the night was the moon- full mooon so bright that it was almost like daylight out on that beach and the light relecting on the water was awesome...also the stars. i forget how much i love to see stars in the sky:)

lots of time in the day = lots of reflecting:)

The last few days I have realized something- no matter where you go or what you do there are certain things that will follow you. Pain and hurt will manifest in new ways, as soon as the old wounds heal. Stress and anxiety find their way into your life in new avenues, just as quickly as you learned to deal with the others. People you thought you could trust can betray you and those you thought would always be there go away. But in realizing all this ( which sounds so morbid and distressing!) I also realized that how you choose to deal with the things in your life is what is important. I may have left behind things that were eating away at me and problems that seemed insurmountable, but in doing so have accrued new struggles and new conflicts. But that is okay I think. I think the best lesson I can learn in all of this is that the way you let these things affect you is the most difficult thing to master. Its easier to let the things pile on top of you and feel their crushing weight laboring on your everyday life. But what is harder is taking them on, accepting them and working them out. Letting things slide, as they sayJ Not something I am accustomed to doing!!

On the bright side, while those you lose along the way slowly have lesser and lesser of an impact on your life, new people step out into the forefront and can hold you up when you lease expect it. The effect one person can have on your life is staggering, but its something that must come with care. Its just as important to learn that being the most important person in your own life and being your own most trusted ally can be the most rewarding. I feel like this is one of the most important things I want to learn with this time I am spending here. The life I left behind came with a lot of judging and self conciousness. I want to learn to leave ehind the things that drag me down – the doubt, the crushing insecurities and the mounting distrust for my own self. I rely too much on other people to help bring me up and that becomes dangerous….i guess being alone really can make you strongerJ

when i say today i meant yesterday....

Today we went into Kuta to walk around and do some "shopping" I say that with quotations because really it was Meg who was looking for this one thing in particular and the rest of us brokies just along for the ride!! Turns out today was like, THE hottest day since we have been here and we were just like sweatboxes, dragging ourselves from street market to street market. The best part was seeing Jons reactions to the cat callings of the street squatters- "gooday mate" and other aussie slang – they pretty much just assume everyone is Australian and it infuriates Jon to be associated with the bintang –tank-top-wearing crowd! ( its true though- the stereotype is sooo true!!) So we didn't even buy anything in the end, but we did make it down to take a look at the memorial from where the bombs went off. Sunday was the six year anniversary of the bali bombings and so the stone wall was decorated with mounds of bouquets and careds and other items. It was surreal and sad standing there looking at the names of all the people who died that night and it was humbling to see what the Balinese people had done in honor of the tragedy. I remember finding out about it that day and feeling more distraught then I did when the planes hit the towers in NYC. Not because I cared more, but because I had such a connection to the exact place where it had happened and had felt the exact way those people did the moments before their deaths. That is most terrifying thought really. The biggest tragedy is what that bomb destroyed for the people of bali and those who treat this place as a mecca for peace and kindness. The hospitality and genuine kindness that the Balinese people are re-knowned for was ripped apart with that night and the struggle to restore that level of serenity has been an obvious fight. Its different down there now- it just feels different i dont know how to describe it but its kinda sad:(

babi guling....

no idea if i spelled that right- i guess i could have read it off the shirts the ladies at this shithouse were wearing! our pioneer, meg, went out this am to 'scope' for good babi guleng (roasted pork) and found a little roadside shack at the end of our street so we headed over there for dinner- at the cheap cheap price of 15,000...shifty to say the least, is the general opinion when we get there- there are just plates of indescribable, unrecognizable , well, things. No pig actually in sight.....but Tim orders three with enthusiasm anyways ( my stomach is still a little rough so i sat this one one ...whew:) after a few minutes of discussing how long the 'babi' might have been sitting out there in that heat, three plates of , stuff, arrive along with rice and mystery broth...i have to give credit to tim, who meg was calling her "little babi" because he dug right in, picking up each little bit and poppping it in his mouth without hesistation, only to then be the designated "describer" for what everything tasted like. his reposnse was mostly " tastes like pork" duh. so even meg took bites and tastes od hers, but not without a little lip action!! ten minutes later, after tim has siphoned through all three plates for "the good bits" we leave behind, no one feeling full and jon describing the experience as " you know when you dont want to chew it because you just know its dirty and will tast dirty....that is how i felt"
hahaha
points to anyone for deciphering what any of the mystery "babi bits" are!

sunday sickness

sunday was the worst day..... saturday night, one of the most fun nights i have had -filled with about 16 big Ankers ( only like 1.30 each!) and a few rousing games of 500 then a late night trip to this random place to watch the England match....led to sunday. the day i thought i was going to die. sparing you all the details, i was curled up in fetal position lying on the cold bathroom tiles wishing death , if only to end the pain! it was horrific......took every kind of med i could find in the stash shar had provided ( thank goodness i had that!) so yesterday was a bit of a wash for me.....

RIP.....

im saddened to inform all that we had a bit of a tragedy this weekend.....yesterday when Jon went to feed the turtles, he discovered one was missing! just gone- we searched everywhere! while searching for the missing one, he realized that another one was dead! just in the water- dead!!! So, after Megs concern and care and our efforts, to change up their scenery and even after Tim and Jon built them a huge playground in the living room, we have sadly lost two! mel is going to kill us.......

megs concern for the turtles...

i only add this post because it took up a substantial part of our saturday morning:) meg was feeding the turtles and became increasingly concerned with the well being of the smallest one, lets call him skinny ( they dont have names!) so skinny was getting bullied by fatty ( the alpha male of the group) and wasnt getting any food so meg made it her personal mission to hand feed him turtle bite by turtle bite....i got a pic of her concerened face! she will make the best mom ( even though last night she said she only wanted to get pregnant so that she would get "huge gargantuan jugs")

post tattoo....

post tattoo-ing we had a celebratory dinner at Gita's restuarant- she does a buffet of everything you can imagine for about 4 us dollars....the restaurant is amazing- ouside we sat in a gazebo with coushins and white table cloths and candles....we ate until in food comas- meg was delirious- she was so happy for the post that was holding her up from behind that she was rubbing it and saying she knew who she was taking home tonight...hahaha:)

we went home to play 500 ( where it is noteworthy that team G Unit ( aka me and meg) beat jon and tim twice- in absolute BLOW OUTS! they didnt get one call.....uhhhh mazing!)

before our game, TIm was inspired by the tattoo artist and deicided to give meg a Tattoo by Tim...here are the comparisons:)

I DID IT!:)

soooo i got the tattoo!! i met with the artist yesterday, Toban, who only spoke Bahasa, and then Roger, who was the translator ( note- it is very scary to get a permanant marking on your own by a person who is not speaking the same language as you......you never when you might have just agreed to maake it three times bigger!!!Haaha) actually he was incredible, he took a pic that i brought that was only sort of what i wanted and free hand sketched onto my arm the most amazing design! so i said. ok:)

proof that lifes challenges only make you stronger- i didnt even flinch!!! and trust me- i know it hurt, but i didnt tear up, i didnt cry out, and i didnt even have a hand to squeeze ( lucky mel:)) because puj's hands were so small i was worried i might break her teeny fingers:)

but they were so nice in there- they let TIm put on the music from my computer so DJ mixmaster TIm had some Rihanna going to put me at ease! even TOban, who knew no english, sang along when a little james blunt "your beautiful" came on!!!

all in all it was a great experience, the vibe of the place was great and i felt really comfortable having meg and tim and jon chatting my ear off about anything they could just to distract!

the last time i had a tattoo i thought i was going to die from the pain but i think this time i just internalized it and it made a huge difference. it felt good in a way-very defining , if that makes any sense!

so the tattoo is an original design by Toban, an orchid with a few vines- i wanted the orchid because its the flower of singapore and singapore has made such a huge impact on who i am today and i forever have a special plac ein my heart for the place i call home. i also learned that orchids symbolize beauty charm and refinement:)It also represents luxury and harmony-- both things i would love to have in my life!

i feel like it meant a lot to get this tattoo ten years after the first and to see how different it feels to have been through things and to really know what it means this time. I know it seems like 'woo hooo you got another tattoo people do that everyday' but it is an example, to me, of one of the things in my life that i let manifest into powerful fear. I have wanted this tattoo for years now, have thought about it, but let it build into the great thing in my head that crushed me when i thought of actually doing it. i was full of fear of the pain and the regret and i feel like it is a milestone for me to come to terms with something like fear, and how when you really want to, your mind and body are powerful enough to overcome even the most daunting of fears.

so...pics:)

daily reflections:)

so now that i have some pics to break up the blah-blahing that i have been doing i think i can write more mindless chatter:)
i have been thinking- its true what they say- when you hit rock bottom there is nowhere to go but up! its strange though because you dont really feel it happening until all of a sudden you realize that the pain and confusion that have been manisfesting no longer feel so powerful. i feel very at peace right now- i feel it physically even. i didnt force it, but tried to let the wounds heal themselves and i honestly feel like everything i went through in the last month or so was not in vain. and to all of those amazing people in my life who helped me through it, well i think about you everyday and how grateful i am to have such support in my life:)

so something i have learned- peace can come when you have the least to show for it... i dont have a job ( am looking and will update later on that front:) i dont have a boyfriend, i barely have a house, barely have any money and yet everyday i feel more myself then i have in a very long time.

yesterday we went to the tattoo place and looked for something but they didnt really have what i picured, and the tattoo artist was not there so i made an appointment for today ( dont worry shar and steve- they showed me around the studio and all the needles are new and in packages, in a sterilizing unit and then they are sterilized again:) so i spent some time online and found a bunch of ideas to show the artist today at four!

as for the jobs- i have received responses from one shade-box.....he has kinda been stalking me via gmail, gchat, skype and skype chat-- needs a personal assistant for his company which tries to get people/companies to change over from chlorine to a more natural , environmentally friendly substance in their pools....idk he is getting back to bali on the 17th so we will see!

i also emailed the international school here and just said i know it says you are not looking but if you have anything just let me know and they wrote me back saying they would pass my CV onto the headmaster for consideration to be a sub which would be greaat!

i also have an appt on monday morning with a recruting company for expats, they had a lot of hotel jobs available so i wanted to scope that out too! oh and i got a list of playgroups and kindergartens that i want to visit and see if they need help too!

more....

meg and i splurged on two pineapple juices for 70 thou just so we could sit in the Ku De Ta lounge chairs...turns out it was so blazing hot and the umbrella really does nothing to create shade and within like an hour we were melting and decided to leave:) haha hey , we are being responsible these days and protecting our skin!!! mom be proud:)

Finally some pics!

Ok just a taste of things out here- few pics of the flophouse de Bali and also the beach we go to everyday:)

Conquering Fear like it was my JOB!!!!

So today my biggest challenge so far..... ( ps my fingers are totally shaking with excitement right now making it really hard to type!!) so- the MOTORBIKE!! I did it!! and who better to devirginize the driving of the bike then MEGAPUJ! haha here is how it went....

Mel is going to Singapore today for work so she had to go to work but wanted to leave her bike with me so she needed a ride and although i was like- er- what? you want me to drive it alone home?? so then megapuj steps up to the plate and says she will go with me so we can both die together:) haha

good thing tim was asleep- not sure he would have been as happy that puj and i were jetting off alone on those things! but we did it!!! and only with one minor, well possible accident! but it was into eachtoehr- the turn into our house is the hardest part of the whole ride! its like crossing a major road of traffic and then up a hill and meg and i got lucky and some truck stopped for us but then meg stopped at the top of the hill as i was 'caneing it up the hill' and i alsmost smashed into her! but phew- unscathed:)

so freedom is mine! i have mels bike for the weekend and well- who knows what i will do with it! haha- actually ( sorry mom and dad) but i think meg and tim and i are headed to the tattoo plae today! ill take pictures if it actually happens...ten years ago and i still remember the searing pain that made me almost break mels hand:) but hey- conquere those fears:)

last night we ate at warung mura again- hmmmm for 1.50 its like having all of our best singapore amahs cook a huge seletion hhaha( except better:) meg and i tried to hit the go button and ordered arak madu's- arak is a balinese alcohol i think its like a rice wine of some sort .... it was kinda like drinking sun tan oil really....but we had two anyways:) sick!

then to Ku De Ta - we spulrged on 10 dollar drinks ( one each, dont get crazy!) and enjoyed the amazing view of the beach.....we tried to push through and head out to kuta but us oldies decided our beds were better:)

however, i am learning a new skill- twirling fire! apparently i am a fast learner and as mel and jon say "a natural" which can only be because of my carnival-people-bakground. see ally, small hands will come in handy one day ( you like that one dad??) haha so yeah mel taught me some new triks to practice and ive been working it out ( no fire yet, just the poi- maybe next week i will conquer the fear of burning all my hair off;)

and yesterday Guru Puj led a Bikram yoga class for me aand Jon in our house! it was hard! sweaty and painful but felt feally good afterward! she had an I pod recording of the Guru Bikram leading the class whih caused a couple giggling fits because he was being really mean to this one girl he called 'sweetheart'...apparently 'sweetheart' couldnt find her ankles ever....haha

sore and happy this morning! took some pics off the house but i forgot my connector cord to upload so maybe tomorrow:)

500 breaks up marriages.....

the game of 500 has been known to end friendships, ruin relationships and turn even the most sworn allies into mortal enemies. When it pours rain for ten hours straight and you cannot leave your house because the streets are flooded and you have four players chomping at the bit, eager for redemption of their latest loss, well, these are the makings of war my friend!

Team Tim and Kaelen wiped the floor last night with Meg and Jon, at one point Meg even admitting to internal sabotage to get back at Jon for the evils he gave her in a previous game, in which the legendary team G's was born ( meg and kaelen- lots of fun emotionally destroying the egos of our opposing team, but not too good at winning!)The upset cost Jon his winning streak and fed his determination to conitnue the game well into the late hours of the night....

we also couldnt leave the house so tim went out in his full on rain gear and got the fixins for grilled cheese and we had a feat of grilled cheese and tim tams:)

SO now is still a period of adjustment. I am living a life now that is so completely different then what I left behind, and not only that but its stretching my limits and testing my character in ways that have not been challeneged in a long time. SO in many ways I think that eventually this will be something that enriches my soul and awakens new parts of my life but for right now its just like FUUUUUUCK! Haha



Rainy season officially kicked off today with about 24 hours worth of rain and Jon and I decided to brave it this morning during a somewhat "lull" in the downpour…needless to say five minutes into it our bike ride to the internet place it turns into a right torrential rain- faces stinging with pelts of rain, absolutely soaked and splashing through 3 foot puddles was an experienceJ we walked into that place and literally had to ring out our clothing~so we have been trapped inside all day ( but did get out for lunch at this place called warung sulawesi) a warung is a food stall kind of, the one we went to you just walk up to a counter and point at what you want from a display case of curries, vegetables, meats and other indecipherable things! It costs about 15,000 a plate- 1.50 US or so and its amazing! Warungs typically have "homemade Balinese cooking" and tend to run out of food by mid afternoon and close down.



The beach is about a three or four minute bike ride from the house and until today, we have been there everyday! The waves are pretty big and jon and tim love to go out and body surf ( aka get smashed up or as meg says "caned" by the waves) After Puj gets hammered a few times she makes her way back to where I like swim- right after the break where I can still stand. Sorry, call me a wuss, but I have had my fair share of drowning scares, myself or watching others, and I respect the ocean when it comes to power. The current is pretty strong out by our beach – we go to one close to Ku De Ta beach which is north of Kuta and Double 6 beach. Less people, less hagglers and really really pretty. SO far its been my favorite part of my daysJ



Its pretty lonely at first getting out here- I know that im with friends but its not that kinda of lonliness. When you arrive in a foreign country and attempt to make it your home, it forces you to make so many adjustments and changes that it is often overwhelming. Jon calls it a 'make shift life' out here. There are so many things that you have to create for yourself, adjust to, or in general , just work with. Like the other day at Amed, the beach we went snorkeling, our hotel room had no cups. We had brought some beers back for a game of cards and within minutes, had fashioned our empty water bottles into tumblers but cutting the in half with a pair of mainucre scissors….make shift!

After a bit of a dramatic weekend ( snorkeling trip that caused a bit of dissention among the ranks if you will) Aa most of you know trying to make plans with five people on different agendas and budgets can be really hard and this was none other then that. However, the night before we had a fun night out in Kuta with Dirk Jol and Danny Soerendjaya who were in town. Jon hates Kuta but we actually had a blast- yeah I mean its touristy and there is a plethora of drunken aussies and shirtless and sloppy 18 year olds but hey- that was us at one point! We managed to escape unscathed, however Tim and Danny had to be pulled away from a fight outside Bounty- some guy grabbed megs arm so Tim shoved him and he flew across the room into a pool table. Then his friend started to come at Tim and Danny ripped off his shirt and put the guy in a choke hold, mumbling something about how you mess with his friends and your dead….haha so then I was like. Er, this is no bueno so I went and got dirk and was like, um can you please control the incredible hulk over there? And so we leftJ Danny and Dirk and I ended up on the beach outsie Ku De Ta with some somewhat warm Bintangs watching the sun come up ( or was it already up?!)



Its definitely different here- not what I thought it would be in some ways I guess. But hey- only a week right? Im trying to figure out the job situation but I think it will be harder then I thought, so I kinda put it off until meg and tim leave and I get a bike. Even Kuta, the area where I feel the most comfortable ( as far as streets, ladmarks and directions go) is completely rebuilt and different. The last time I was here was December after the bombings. It was dejected and incredibly sad to see what had happened there, but they have rebuilt things up to what can only be described as Kuta 2.0! there are more 'swanky' places, three times the options and things are taller, brighter and cleaner! But still packed to the gills with people clamoring to get the 30.000 worth of arak in a giant fishbowl!

SO even though there are friends around, it doesn't mean it wasnt hard to adjst, in fact, I am still firuging it all out. Its weird to not be able to call any of my friends and say hi, make plans and just be comfortable. I don't have a life here yet so im trying, but its hard when people are in town an we are all spending time together.


The hardest thing for me is transportation- everyone rides a motorbike here! I for one, have been on one in my life and I was clutching the back of a thai man on the way down a mountain to a secluded beach in Thailand….needless to say ( and cemented by the fingernail marks I left in his sides) I did not enjoy it. So jon and mel are just like happy as a "pig in shit" ( thank you jon for this enlightened new saying) on their bikes swerving, weaving and zooming around town. So far I am a backseat passenger, hitching rides around wherever we go so that is also hard because I don't have a level of freedom yet and feel like im just going along with other peoples plans. But as soon as I get up the confidence to take it on on my own, I will have to! Working on it guys, working on it!

Week one...

So week one in Bali- slightly different then I originally thought it would be! Meg and Tim were in Singapore on a leg of their South East Asia tour and we somehow got Tim to 'press the go button' and change their plans to include a two week trip to Bali! So instead of heading straight to India, they booked tickets to Bali and were out on the flight the day after I was!

So now it is me and Jon and Mel and Meg and Tim all in our house here- I sacrificed my to-be-bedroom for Meg and Tim and Jon let me pull my matress into his room. The first two nights I slept outside in the princess bed, in the common area ( no walls, nice and breezy!) but on night two I literally got eaten alive my mozzies! even with a mozquito net! so inside the room i went ( actually that night i admitted defeat and crawled into mel's bed at like 1 am!)

The house is really nice, in a good area, very open and Balinese- random assortment of furniture and things left behind by previous occupants. Its pretty different then my SM pad, but I like it:) No AC, no TV and no internet- but that doesnt take long to get used to and before you know it, its quite enjoyable! But dont worry, it is my goal in life to NOT become one of those high and mighty people who that you are beneath them because you enjoy a little Top Chef or Project Runway ( okay and the hills....;) ps ....who is left on PR?? ;)

what comes next.....??

Packing everything up, selling your belongings, relegating your life's collections to the Goodwill pile, forwarding mail to an unknown address- these are all things that people do all the time. Getting married, getting divorced, changing careers; there are many things that can make one uproot their life and move on. Change is innate in life and is something I got very used to growing up overseas. Moving on swwiftly and seamlessly was part of the routine- friends came and went, we moved house 10 different times, groups shifted, dynamics wavered and even our school campus morphed continuously into what is now practically unrecognizable! But this time felt very different- this time I was doing all of these things for what seemed to be no good reason. Just a feeling is all that led to everything that is coming next...Its all I needed to give up and go on, and while exhiliration and a sense of empowerment are inevitable, the undulating fear that washed over is the most intense..

Intro......

So this is how the story begins: girl finds herself in a life with everything she thought she wanted...An easy and yet somehow hip job, sweet boyfriend, Santa Monica apartment, cute car; all things that she had striven to collect for so long. one day this girl decides that this life is no longer for her, and much like a piece of a puzzle that doesn't fit- becomes an outsider in her own world. The exact moment of this transference can indeed be pinpointed, but for the sake of some off the real-life characters in this story, that moment shall go without saying. It is not important anyhow. Within one month she had systematically destroyed her own life, taking it apart piece by piece in a state of disenchanted indifference. She stripped away all that she had known, watching her secure and safe world crumble into mere abysmal grey matter, and embarked on a new journey- a new life in Bali.....