lessons in, well, not quite sure what?!

ok so i guess a little bit of the story may reflect my need to work on my patience skills, however, for the most part it is a lesson to myself to 'just say no' when i know im not into it!!
the scenario- saturday morning, er, well i suppose it was more afternoon by the time we had all assembled in the living room of my house. mel, jas, emilie, james the english couch surfer and the german (ugh). We were going to head up to ubud for the earth day festival, with promises of djs and bands and other such exciting things! now, these plans had been assembled the day before, when we were full of life and energy! but then friday night happened, and with the adequate amount of long island ice teas and a late night trip to double six, that said energy and life were fully drained out by 3 pm on saturday! so this is the moment- the one where you look b ack on going, dang-er, i shoulda done something different right about HERE! i was moving slowly and not at all ready for the adventurous outing of the day and did in fact say, nah i dont think im going to come, in not ready, yada yada yada. everyone chimes in with the collective ' ah no you have to come- so fun- be great- come with- blah blah' and buckling with indecision under the peer pressure, i say ok.
fast forward to being on the bikes somewhere near sanur- at this point im relatively positive that i shoulda stayed home. reason being- groups....its been almost seven full months since i moved away from LA. a lot has changed. one major thing for me is that i am no longer part of a 'group' of friends. while i miss my friends incredibly and i think about them every day, i have loved every minute of my growing independence. yeah sometimes its lonely, but i seriously love being on my own as far as plans and things. i can float from each little group of friends and be completely on my own agenda. its really worked for me and i have felt myself grow to be more like the person i want to be- which is independent and non-reliant and completely ok with being on my own. so- now that our group has grown to seven bikes i dont think i need to poitn out that things become difficult right about now....
decision making in a group is almost impossible. everyone has one thing or another they have to do and the collective can virtually never agree on things. needless to say this trip was no different. on top of that we had a nomadic sized group of bikes, all trying to follow eachother through saturday afternoon traffic (imagine the 405 in LA at 6 pm on a Friday, then take away all rules, laws, and signage and you will know what its like!!) so of course we lost someone. the german. of course. dont get me started on the german. im going to skip detailing the rest of this arduous journey mostly cus its boring and annoying and i think you get the point!! oh but do note im riding on the back of someones bike- not the most comfortable place to sit your ass for going on two hours! ever had your complete pelvic area fall asleep and go numb?? yeah- its weird!!!
moving on- after a search mission for this festival we finally make it ( funny part, turns out it was literally next door to the house of one of the girls we were with...due to poor group communication this was not discovered until way too late and while funny now was a 'grrrrrr' moment at the time!!!

at the festival-because i dont want to gripe and that is not the correct emotion for the way i was feeling, i wont detail much about the festival. i will say that it was pretty much what i was expecting in the sense that i knew i wouldnt want to be there. but hey- i was in great company and in that situation it is easy to make do! i think the problem was more that i was exhausted from the get go, wiped from the drive and now sitting on the grass, well, er, waiting. not a biggie at the time- wish the bands had been a bit more diverse but they were not bad. five hours later....still sitting, still waiting. this is part where i asked my gaurdian angel for some patience, only because i was now under the fully stifling crush of realizing that i was no longer free or independent, as i was in ubud at the mercy of those with bikes. again- not that it was bad or anything, it just at this moment (thank you murphys law-- nothing good going on for days then as soon as im unavailable its like plans galore!!!) there were other things i would rather be doing. as time wore on, and our troops' moral were dropping off one by one i was busy telling myself that i would just have to go with the flow and when we left is when we left. no point in obesssing over it. i know- easy, but not so much. i decided to call a friend to distract my mind away from eating itself with anticipation and twenty minutes into a great conversation i looked up, and walah! the group was mobilizing!! once i let it go it happened on its own!! of course if only it was that easy.....

the rest of the story is just cause for laughter at this point- i was just happy to be on the go and so these other things slid off my back! a) jas's bike was stalling, the one i was on the back of, so i had to go with this other girl who happened to have the most uncomfrtable seat in the history of seats. no prob right? ass numbage? no biggie- im happy now! b) we lose the group...who cares right? lets just go!!! c) we are supposed to make a pit stop to pick up someones bike, another delay- but hey! still smiling! d) mel and emilie txt saying they have gotten a flat tire and lost the whole group (none of them are people who actually live in bali and therefore have no idea where they are goin!!) ah well..... what can we do?
end of the day- we make it back to seminyak with news that mel and emilie have found a mechanic, the rest have made it to legian and i shoot off the bike into a cab and head home! fifteen minutes later im off on my own again- wow breathing room:) ended up having a good night to which the timing turned out perfectly!!!

lessons: be patient, let things go at their own pace, do what you want, not because someone else says you should! make my own decisions, and stay away from groups!! nah not really- groups are fun too:) but i will revel in my independence while i have it!

is it worth it?

yesterday mel and linda and i were talking about whether or not it was really worth it to get close to someone you know will be leaving- i think i wrote something about it the other day and how i think it is worth the experience no matter what. but then when it happens i start to wonder- is it really better to have experienced something amazing only to lose it or is it better to leave it alone? mel and linda said they felt ambivalent towards doing it because what was the point? they didnt want to expend the energy when they knew in the end it would be fleeting. we debated it for a while, me defending it to the death-even resorting to the use of the new age hippie phrase of the month 'being present'. but then-the aftermath... its like a come down, i feel like im crashing from a hard night of partying- feel drained and a little empty really. i made an incredible friend this week and the time spent with him was absolutely incredible and i wouldnt want to say i would rather never have had it happen but now its so sad to have to think about what i wont have anymore. these last few days also have left me missing my friends back in california and longing to have more connections like the one i just made. but i guess if life is not made up of both bliss and loss then it would be pretty empty. how could you know how amazing something could be if you didnt know how much you would miss it when it was no longer there? to my friend i feel incredibly lucky to have met you.i hope we can continue our friendship becuase i dont know what life will be like without tangents and rants:) i will be forever infinitely jealous of those in your life who get to bask in your radiance on a daily basis. the golden sunsets will be a little less golden when not watched from the platform with you:)

Reflections of a Friday Night

Go back several pages of blog-blabber and you will find stories of the utmost craziness happenings on friday nights ( and sat, sun, mon, tues...you get the point) im pretty glad to say that these days i have a lot tless craziness to report and more well, introspective things to report from my friday nights:) ( well not all of it- see the tranny noodles part....)
best part of my night: realizing what a best friend i have and knowing that after 11 years of friendship we have pretty much nailed this thing;) we have it down to a science!! i forget sometimes that those who challenge you are often the most rewarding and little things like last night make me remember why my friend is so amazing. without divulging too much personal detail regarding the events of the evening, ill suffice to say that somehow amidst the drunk sweaty people of mbargo- in between being aggressively stalked by an excpetionally tall man, taking shots of jungle juice from 'ricki' who insisted that i knew him ( didnt.....for sure didnt...) sloppy salsa dancing with horacio, and trying to dodge the B.O. guy mel and i had a moment and it was good:)

the cherry on top of the otherwise less exceptional evening: coming out of Mbargo and seeing mels bike being wheeled over to her by the parking guy. we then stood there for about ten minutes while mel searched her tiny purse for her bike key. she passed the bag over to me and i did i full search as well- all the while the parking guy is standing there watching us. at some point i suppose he was no longer amused by the goings-on and he finally tells mel that he has the key!! she left it in the lock of the bike and he had taken it out and held it for her! so sweet right- yeah, until he asked for money to get it back!!!!! so after letting us look for the key for ten minutes on the streets flooded with drunk bozos he extorted money from us as well. on our merry way..... then comes tranny noodles.
there is this little warung/stall on the way home that is situated next door to a popular transvestite hang out and its open all night (the noodle place) so typically late night if you crave mee goreng you can often get a side of tranny for free. however on this particular stop there were no trannies to be found. so we paid our 50 cents to have some guy literally cook a packet of instant mee goreng and add some green leaf-like things to it and went home to feast- we finished our MSG around 5 45 am and barely made it to bed..oh and mel just offered to pay me for my assignment im doing for her with tranny noodles. i rejected this offer based on the fact that i dont want to my salt intake to shoot through the roof and put me into early cardiac arrest....thanks though stang:)

the human connection

its been a really long time since i have updated this bad boy- i only realized just how long when i signed in and saw the bin sin pic pop up...that was forever ago!! a lot of the reason for my recent haitus has been th damaged state of my left wrist- it kinda makes it hard to type..hurts after a while and i hate not being able to rant at the speed my nimble fingers are so used to:) but yesterday i made a friend who reminded me that this was an important part of my journey so here i am with a most recent update!!

on blackouts- last you heard we were experiencing random black outs in the sky temple ( the name of our house) well those conitnued with increasing frequency after we had an AC unit put into my bedroom ( i know, pause for a moment of excited screaming!!!) but with luxury came strife- no longer waking up a sweaty mess, instead the powering of the ac somehow tripped up the water pump and our water was intermittently just turning off. so now the possibility of a black out while in the shower and then having the water turn off on you while soap is dripping down your face was imminent. thanks to jasmine and 'her guy' the problem is now rectified and i no longer have to force my soapy scared self through the pitch black house to the outside electric box to switch the lights back on!!

a quick mention of the person who has recently inspired me to come back to the writing- sometimes i forget how amazing human connections can be- how they can come at you from nowhere and forge in the most unexpected ways. one of the things i love the most about being in a constantly transient place is the ifinite possibility of people meeting. sometimes its a disapointment, sometimes its fleeting and sometimes its more powerful then you can explain. knowing someone for 24 hours and having a connection that feels like life long friends is something that i will never tire of experiencing. its humbling and awe inspiring at the same time- to think about the sequence of small events and decisions that went into motion to sway two peoples lives into congruence and for however long it lasts it is most worth it:)

ok like i said- my finger is starting to hurt so more profound thoughts tomorrow;)

quote of the day "i managed to ride that banana"
highlight of my last 24 hours- making a beach burrito/enchilada (not taco) :)