i will miss you JJK

i was hoping to log in today and gush about my great trip to australia but it seems my return to reality has hit harder then expected. with hopes of this year starting out as a great one, thinking that perhaps the good fortune that i had these last few months would continue it was a rough day for me today when things came crashing down. nyall and i kept saying that as of tuesday we would be 'back to reality' and it seems that the real world has turned on us. i found out this morning that a good friend of mine from when i worked at bob in LA died over christmas. he had a brain hemmorage and went into a coma where he would remain brain dead indeterminably and his family took him off life support on christmas eve. jay was only 28.he had been married over the summer to his amazing girlfriend el and they were one of the cutest couples i had seen together. jay made me smile on the days when work was trying to make me hate life. jay shared so much light and energy and was one of the most creative and funny people i had ever met. we instantly became friends and bonded over our weird senses of humour- constantly taking the piss out of each other and making up weird conversations. it breaks my heart now to think of what el must be going through and the pain that must have settled deeply into the void that he left at bob. i cannot fathom how they are getting up and going into work each day, where his empty office will constantly be a reminder of all of his amazing quirks, his weird dance moves and his irregularly high pitched girly laugh. the amount of sadness, the extent of the grief and the loss that has been suffered by his many friends and colleagues is insurmountable. jay was inspirational to me- he was creative, talented and humble and on his way to do great things. it it one of lifes unjust cruelties that he is gone. i hope that i can only ever be a fraction of the person that jay was and will miss him.

in light of several other pieces of devastating news that i heard today i can only think about how quickly things can change. how literally in one instant everything you thought mattered no longer does and an entire new world can unfold. i know that most of this year i have looked at this as opportunistic and have enjoyed the fruits of this so-called change but in the last few days i have been forced to view it in the more dismal way. i can only hope that all things do happen for a reason and that some day the reasons for all that is happeneing now will be clear. the only way i feel i can hold on to what positive optimism i have left is to believe that with every tragedy bears a miracle and with every door closed a window opens. there has to be a reaason for all of the suffering and i can only wish to one day see what it may be.